I know I’m not the only one who has felt this way. You know, like, “I’m probably in the wrong body/place/in the wrong situation/with the wrong person/family. This isn’t how I wanted things to be. It shouldn’t be like this.” Sometimes we can’t help but say or think of these things. Everything just seems so terrible at the moment that we forget that life isn’t some sort of fantasy (though it could be sometimes in some ways and it depends on a lot of things) and things won’t always go the way we want it to be.
Well, I’m not writing this to teach a lesson or prove anything. I’m writing this ‘cause I know I’m not alone.
I’ve been feeling weird at my own home. I think it’s possible to live with strangers. Sometimes, a stranger is a family member. I feel that way sometimes when it seems like nobody really know me or understand me at home. I’m not really ashamed of admitting it. Just a little bit afraid. I don’t know if there is a difference but maybe there is. I’m afraid of saying it because I don’t want to feel like that and if I say it then it must be true. But I already said it so there.
I’m not saying I don’t always like it at home. I used to like it here most of the time but things are kind of different now. I love my family but sometimes life is so good at turning things upside down that those who are supposed to be the closest to you seem so hard to talk to. You begin to doubt but you know you shouldn’t so you doubt yourself instead. Then everything gets crazy and you’ll be lonely that you wouldn’t know who to talk to. So I’m writing this ‘cause maybe those who feel the same as I am will be able to read this and we will not be alone anymore. We’ll be stranger friends and though we really don’t know each other, we can be sure that someone out there feels almost the same as you and you are not alone.
Everyone gets lonely and we all have different ways of handling pain and loneliness so it’s okay to be lonely sometimes. I just hope that there will be less people who think that they are alone.
PS. I love my family. Things aren’t just very well right now but we’re fine ’cause if we’re not then things can only get better. Let’s all get better.