What I’m Trying to Figure out Right Now

We all spend time trying to figure things out, finding ourselves, and trying to be content/successful. I’ve figured out some things in my life, I guess, I’ve tried to understand myself before but I don’t think I was successful with that.

I’ve stopped trying to understand myself. I’ve started trying to understand other people and it only makes me feel like an alien. I don’t even understand why I spend so much time trying to figure out other human beings or why humans act the way they do. I’ve spent so much time for that that I guess I’ve wasted some of my time.  Today, I thought that maybe, the reason why I still don’t understand humans and why I have a hard time understanding their actions is because I don’t even understand myself. So maybe I have to go back to that. But then again, I’ll be wasting some time from too much thinking. I know that a person has to look at his/herself sometimes and judge herself instead of other people. I think there are points in our lives when we have to do that to know whether we have become better or to know the things we should do better. Isn’t that one of the reasons why we study history? I’m still pondering on self-evaluation though. How much time should we spend on it? How often should we do it? Sometimes I even wonder if it’s necessary. So while I am writing this, I haven’t actually figured these things out. Sometimes I write to figure things out but it doesn’t always work. It’s probably because there are things we’ll figure out after experiences that will make us better. Life’s the best teacher, right?

So I haven’t fully understood myself but I don’t want to worry all the time. There’s one thing I know that I know almost everyone knows and that’s nobody’s perfect. I’m not perfect but I’m fine and I don’t want to hate myself just because I have more flaws than other people. I’ll worry when the time to worry comes. Right now I want to free myself from one of the many sandbags that weigh me down.

Sometimes I worry that I am wrong about what I think at the moment like right now, I may be wrong about what I wrote. I am not an optimist but I’d like to think that I won’t be wrong forever. I’m not contented about everything in my life right now. That sounds like bad news but the good news is, I don’t want to be like that for the rest of my life. Now I feel a little bit better.

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